I am not a patient woman.

I know that comes as a HUGE shock to those of you who know me. :) Last night I dreamed of Ariana again, of teaching her words.  This is the second dream I have had where I am teaching her sign language and she is also speaking English.  In this dream she fell and bumped her head and I picked her up to comfort her, as I did I wondered if she would let me.  To my surprise she wrapped her arms and her body around me and laid her head on my shoulder and cried a little.  Then she sweetly began to sing the words to a song I had sang to her only once a few minutes earlier.  Needless to say I stood there holding my breath tears streaming down my face, not wanted the moment to pass. It wasn't the song but the fact that she associated it with me and the comfort she was feeling. Beautiful.... I wish i could rush this process, make people understand that her learning language is as urgent as if she had a medical need.  Please help me to pray that the delays she has already experienced won't hold her back for long and pray that God intervenes and we get approval and travel so quickly that people know it is a miracle.  We have also been praying that she know us, that she dream of us, and that she feel comfort with us.  We know this will be scary for her, she doesn't have the benefit of a warning, or pre-explanation like other children do.  She doesn't know we are coming, she doesn't even know that where she is living is not her forever home. I am going to try and work with my brother and make a book to send to her, showing her in pictures what will happen, so that as soon as we can send her a package she will have it.  Our hope is that it helps the transition be less scary.

Anyway thanks for following our story... Oh we are applying for a loan from the Abba fund to cover the remaining costs of the adoption and travel.  It is a wonderful foundation that helps Christian couples afford adoption. So help us pray we get approved and that the funding is there to cover all our remaining expenses.

Thanks for all the support and prayers :)

Waiting and my amazing kids...

We have only been waiting a couple weeks since we submitted our dossier.  Paperwork is done and all we can do is wait... and fund raise of course :) Our wait will be short especially in comparison to families waiting for a healthy infant, they can wait 6 years or more.  I didn't go into this process looking for a perfect infant, I went into it looking for my daughter, and finding her was easy. Anyway, I am already struggling with the wait, it was easier when we were consumed with paperwork and things to do.  So pray we get our final approval quickly, so she doesn't have to wait any longer for her forever family, or wait to be spoken to for the first time.  I am beyond excited to teach her language and give her the tools she needs to succeed in life. 

I haven't said much about my oldest two kids on here.  I wanted to take a minute to say how blessed I am.  My daughter Ashlyn is an amazing young lady, she has overcome so many things and has grown into a young woman who takes on struggles with grace and beauty.  She is also deaf and I wondered going into this how she would feel about us bringing another little girl into the family.  When we told them we were thinking about it, she kinda laughed (probably from shock lol), but she jumped on board very quickly. She started pointing out things in stores that we could buy for our new addition.  She has been my partner in dreaming of her room, and planning how to teach her language.  Just last night she pointed out a little girl who was running all over playing and talking to people, she informed me that she was going to teach her baby sister to be like that, that she wasn't going to let her be all shy and timid :).  She is going to be such a wonderful sister, and a great person for Ariana to look up to. My son Destin is one of the best young men I know, he was quieter when we told him but never once did he act like he was opposed.  As a matter of fact he made the transition easily, he has never worried he would be replaced, or acted jealous about us having a new "baby" of the family.  He is so kind and loving, and I know his baby sister is going to love him!  It amazes me how God so perfectly wove this family to be the perfect place for this little girl.  She has a big sister to teach her to be strong and to laugh at life, to not be afraid of anything, and a brother who will shower her with so much love, and teach her not to take things so seriously.  They will both love her immensely, be fiercely protective, and our family will be very interesting.  I won't mention (to much) the trouble the will teach her to get into, or how they will both enjoy tormenting me through her but I will love every minute, and try to remember that they are all blessings.

Life lesson today... you have no idea where God wants to take you, but the journey is beautiful, and looking back and being able to see this was the plan he had woven for years before it ever crossed your mind is amazing.

Amazed...

It never ceases to amaze me that in my darkest times God does something to show me He loves me.  We received two more donations this week, and little by little we are getting closer to our baby.  When I doubt myself or the situation God brings these blessings to remind us we are doing His will and that we have so many people who love us, and believe in what we are doing.

I dream.....

I have dreams too, everyday I dream of a little girl who needs me, needs me to teach her words, and show her she IS valued, to kiss her booboos and wrap her in my arms. To show her that she CAN dream too. I dream of a little boy who is starving, coming home to a family who will make sure he NEVER knows hunger again. I dream of endless resources to find a place for every orphan, I dream of a world where homes don't have two kids and a dog (or cat) but are filled to overflowing, where wealth is not stored up but used as a tool to unlock doors for those who want to bring them home. I dream that we stop planning trips and luxury get aways, that we stop shopping for extra clothes and cars and things we dont need, that going to the movies or out to dinner doesn't really matter.  I dream that we find a way to use our resources to bring hope to the hopeless, and that fathers start dreaming of becoming "fathers to the fatherless" I dream of a world where not one orphan falls asleep hungry or lonely or hopeless.  I dream that we as Gods children realize that he gave EVERYTHING for us, and that we too should be giving all we have.  I dream of a place where fear doesn't drive us to store up things to protect ourselves, because we will know that when trouble comes we will circle the wagons and stand together. Oh yes... I dream.

Feelings.... and more feelings...

Somedays being a girl is really hard.  I have been overwhelmed with emotion the last couple days (and for any guys reading it is NOT that time of the month!) I think far too much, and fundraising only feeds the issue.  I feel guilty for asking people to take part, I feel worried about the people that do help, and after people help, I feel guilty and I worry that they don't feel appreciated.  The ones who are so kind, and care so much are those I know are giving sacrificially, thus the guilt I feel.  I struggle with flopping between these feelings and those of frustration.  Frustration that some spend there life pampering "me" and never truly get it.  They dont "get" that there is a world of people out there who need help. They cannot see that everything we have and every gift is given to us to share with others.  Our talents, our finances are not ours to spoil ourselves or to get glory for who we are or what we can do.  They are given to us so we can help those who are weeker.   If you are strong and confident, it isn't so you can be adorable and popular, it is given so you can help the one who feels worthless see there value... If you are good with money it isn't so you can get rich, it is so you can share that knowledge or ability and sometimes that wealth with those in need. If you are gift musically it is not so you can sit on a stage and receive applause, or sell songs.  It is so you can use the gift of music to sooth the weary soul, or point the broken heart to God.  It is given so you can pass on the gift to others who have the passion but not the natural ability, or maybe those who have the talent but not the opportunity to be taught.  I could go on and on.  How does this tie into adoption? The two are inseperable,  I have been blessed so that I can continue to bless a child who may never learn sign language or who may not have a parent to advicate for them, I have a (loud) voice so I can speak for those who cannot speak for themselves. I have been blessed to live in a country that values me and gives me freedom no matter my ability.  I have been loved therefor I can give love. I have be blessed to be born in a country, that through the sacrifice of others, gives me the freedom to worship God and teach others about His love.  All of this I have been given and more, so I can share... not for me, but so that others may know that there is a God who loves them.  I have been adopted and my ransom paid, so I must do all I can to do the same for others... God help me to live each day with this in my heart.

Blessed

I have been so overwhelmed today.  Overwhelmed by the beautiful picture God painted through our friends and family.  We were surrounded by those who love us and who truly care about bringing our daughter home.  I am also very aware that there were others could not be there who love us and and praying for us daily.  We are truly blessed.  Trina Clark said some things that resonated with my heart.  She told everyone there that when people plan to have a child or they dream of having a child, it is their dream, and they rejoice as their children grow, and when they do rotten things they remember how long they prayed and waited for this child.  When a child is adopted, those who surround the family and support them and pray and dream with them get to share in that.  It is also your joy, your dream to be a part of, and you will forever be a part of that childs legacy.  I thought that was beautiful.  I know that Arianas legacy includes so many people already, and I have to make sure she knows that. :) 

Saying all of that I have to say that the enemy thinks he is soooo smart, he comes in and tries to get us to focus on the negatives, the people that take advantage or don't seem to care or get why this is so important.  I refuse to focus on those things, I will not allow him to rob me of seeing the miracle God is unfolding before me.  There may be a mountain before us that we are climbing, but God is going before us and holding our hands.  What else do we need? Am amazing God, a great family and the best friends in the world... Blessed.

Tablecloths and tears...

Ok so I had a cryfest over table cloths, well it wasn't the table cloths, but the disappointment that triggered the cryfest. We are trying to make this dinner more elegant, so we hoped to avoid plastic table clothes.  David made some calls and found a rental place that would allow us to rent them for the cost of the cleaning, which was about the same cost of buying dumb plastic. YAY! ....So I thought, but today when he went into to make sure the colors matched, the lady informed him that a bridal shower called (after she promised them to us) and added more to there order, taking all of the color we needed.  He called me to see if one of two other colors was ok... neither of which worked with our color scheme.... so yes I cried.  I didnt even answer him, I just cried.  He promply got off the phone with the promise to call me back after he left the store.  I know table cloths are not what matters, I have just had a rough week.  Someone I love dearly is going through a very painful ordeal, and I have been running a low grade temp, and I have too much to do to be sick.  It seems as though even those who have decided to help have been under massive attack.  I have never faced more opposition or attack from the enemy than I have since we started thia adoption process.  All I have to say is if the enemy thinks he can stop me from doing what God has called me to do he is nuts..... Anyway, my sweet hubby is trying no to fix the situation with the tables, and if I "have to" I can buy plastic... I will let you know how it turns out.