Awakening...again

Hello everyone, it has been along time since my last post.  I have been walking through some of the toughest and most amazing months of my life.  Ariana is beautiful and smart and funny and stubborn and strong willed and she fits into our family perfectly.  I have had moments where tears of joy flowed and some tears of frustration.  See this little princess has had 3 and a half years to set  patterns in her life, and I have only had 8 months to teach her she doesn't need her habits of comfort anymore.  We have had ups and downs, she will do really well for a while and then regress and try everything for a period.  We have made mistakes already and we have tried many things only for them to not work with her.  It isn't any easier than guiding a birth child through the terrible twos, and definitely not any harder than walking through the teen years with two stubborn kiddos. :) I guess what I am saying is, this is an amazing process, and adoption is beautiful and I believe so close to Gods heart, but it is not all rainbows and fairy dust.  It is however worth every single second. 

That said, we are doing so well, adjusting and learning and teaching, and surviving the long trail of doctors appointments.  I love watching Ariana with her family, seeing the love and kindness she gets from her big brother and sister, and I cant help but laugh as they fuss at each other.  I totally need to post a video of Ariana and Ashlyn going at it... Ashlyn has definitely met her match lol. All I can think about is how 8 months ago Ariana didn't even know her name let alone be able to tell someone off. So yes I enjoy her even when she is trying to boss the world, because it is beautiful to me that she is not living in silence anymore. This child was born to be heard, born to defend and love, and God knew it, so he gave her a home and a voice.... sigh, He is beautiful.

I had an awakening today.  As I responded to a post I realized that I had begun to allow circumstances to silence me.  I too have a (loud) voice and God placed in my heart a passion for these babies.  I have gotten weighed down by life and business and forgot that I have a job to do.  So forgive me as I stand up and dust myself off and do what I am suppose to.  I am going to do the best I can to give a voice to those who have no voice, I want to put there little faces and stories out there and make sure that they are heard, they are crying out for a mothers arms, and the protection of a father... they need us, and we need them.  So I pray that God help me and show me how I can do exactly that.  I am going to begin by speaking with my Pastor... (so Pastor Brian if you or Krista are reading this... get ready :) ) I want to share our story, and I need a bigger platform,  I want to take some steps to get orphans and adoption information out there. So pray for me, pray God give me the words to say and the wisdom to know when and how to say it.  Pray He show me open doors, and that my words will be His.  I don't want my passion to be what people hear, I want them to hear Gods heart. I want to be used to plant and water His seeds, because mine will shrivel and die, but His will blossom and grow.  So ya... just pray :)

Thanks for listening and for praying...

Kathy

One Month Gotcha Day

One month ago today I held this little princess for the first time.  She is doing so well, learning and growing and capturing the hearts of everyone she meets.  I cannot imagine our family without her.  Thank You father for leading us every step of this journey... so many more out there... I think I need a bigger house!

I love you Ariana Grace Ferguson!

I am nothing

Many people who hear our story respond with things like, "oh you are special people", and other words of praise for us,  but every time I hear those words I want to shout "No I am not special,  I just said yes"... that's all.  Yes to the command to do something to care for those who are outcasts, widows and orphans. I brought home a beautiful little girl,  who has blessed my life and my family.  She is the amazing one,  she survived for three and a half years with out being able to speak a word or understand the world around her.  She lived being moved from place to place, with people she came to know and trust disappearing and not even knowing why or where they went.  She is amazing and special, and there are millions more just like her. Many like her labeled special needs, many of them will never know what it means to be sheltered in Daddies arms or know the love of a mother.  They will never have know the love of Aunts and Uncles and Grandparents. You are not to old, or to poor or too busy, you are good enough, it doesn't matter if your kids are grown, or u have 3 or 10 at home, you can DO SOMETHING. Everyone on facebook this month is posting all they are thankful for, and it is beautiful.  I don't want to belittle it.  I just want us to step outside of or own selfish worlds, stop counting our own blessings and share them with someone who needs them way more than we do.  Why store up and count the love of a family?, you have a wonderful family?  Share it with a child a widow, an outcast.  Open your heart and your home and your life, not for a day or a week, or a month but for the rest of your life.  This month is not only Thanksgiving, but National Adoption Month, and Sunday was Orphan Sunday, but many people didn't know.  They walked through their day never thinking of those who need their love so desperately.  We all do it, we get caught up in our lives until God sends something our way to awaken us.  Sometimes we stay awake, and sometimes we go back to sleep dreaming about our own blessings.  God keep us awake,  let the faces of those who need your love flash before us so many times a day we cannot forget.  God I pray for everyone who reads this blog, or knows someone who reads this blog, that you light a fire in there hearts, show us what we can do.  Your love was never meant to be bottled and inventoried.  We are to be open vessels overflowing with your love to all around us. Show us what we can do, today and everyday.

Love you all....
Kathy

Getting to know you

I am so enjoying getting to know this little girl, she is priceless.  She has a very sweet tender spirit one minute, and then she morphs into a wild child, running a giggling and playing.  She is so very smart, I believe she had a lot of people fooled and probably got away with a lot because they didn't think she understood.  She is so aware of what is going on around her, she survived for the last 3 and 1/2 years without ever being able to speak (or sign) a word.  She has grabbed hold of language and is absorbing it so fast, I honestly cannot count all the words she knows now.  The first couple of weeks she only signed a few words, it was like she was absorbing it all,  then she began signing, and being expected to sign words for things she wanted or just to identify things in her world.  I love her so much, she has bonded so well with the family,  she had favorites at different times but seems to have decided she loves everyone.  She is sassy and strong willed and oh so beautiful.  I cannot image our family without her.  Destin and I were talking about her yesterday and we can see how God made her to perfectly fit in our family.  She has qualities that make her so much like all of us.  She is amazing.

There have been a few challenges,  she likes to decide she isn't going to listen to us, and she will turn away,  she has tried being rude to her siblings,  even Mom and Dad while in China :).  She doesn't like nap time,  she gets very mad.  I guess maybe she feels she will miss something.  I have had a hard time disciplining her,  she had her first major meltdown in China when told no,  and I have cried many times when I had to be firm with her,  she would get this look on her face, and I felt so mean. That is all slowly changing,  she has come to accept the word no more easily, and I have come to grips with the fact that my emotion came out of fear that she would reject me if I had to discipline.  She has actually gotten even closer to us when we are consistent.  I am a firm believer that even though they don't like it at the time, nor do we, children need consistency and discipline (when done in love, and a heart to teach them to be and do better).  I am looking forward to her first Thanksgiving and her first Christmas, and all the wonder it brings.  We were in Hobby Lobby the other day and they have an Ariana size nativity,  she was in awe, she wanted to climb ing\ the stable and touch all the animals.  We got as close as we could as I told her who they all were.  My heart ached as I longed to help her know who that baby was and what He gave for her.  I long for the day that she understands the words I am speaking enough that she can truly hear the story of His birth and why he came.  For now we settle with teaching her the words baby Jesus and Mary and Joseph and all the animals. 

All I can say is thank you God for this blessing,  and for all of my children... you amaze me everyday, as I watch them interact, you knew all along, through all my questions, all my fears and impatience, that this was the child and this was the time.  Thank you for walking before us,  help me to live everyday knowing that each of them is a precious priceless gift from you.

So I know it has been many days since my last update, we are safely back home in the United States.  I am sooooooo happy to be home.  Our drive from Guangzhou to Hong Kong was suppose to take 3 and 1/2 hours.  It was actually only 2 and 1/2 but it took an hour to go through the customs drive through. It was easy and no big deal but the waiting in traffic was loooonnnggg.  Our hotel was the nicest on yet, bigger fancier room, they also had the worst service of all the hotels.  Everything was more expensive as well, we ate room service because we were tired.  This was a wise decision because we found out later, that even though we though those prices were horrible, it would have doubled if we had gone down to one of the restaurants. We got up early in the morning to make sure we had plenty of time to get through security.  Good thing we did because it took forever.  They check your bags and passport so many times... it is ridiculous! I didn't think the entry was to terrible, what I expected but then they check everything again at the gate took forever to get on the plane, with a wiggly toddler. 

On a good note, she did sooooo well on the flight,  I give God the credit, and maybe the ppl who invented the individual tvs on the backs of head headrest.  There was enough TV movies and games to keep us all busy.  I had bought and brought out new small activities and toys for her every so often on the plane.  She only slept about 20 minutes on that flight.  Coming through customs in America was so exciting... when they stamped her passport I fought the tears as I told her she was now a citizen, and the officer behind the desk told her congratulations : D The was wearing her special red white and blue dress for the special moment... to back pictures are not allowed :(  She was so exhausted when we got on the flight to DFW, we had eaten Wendys in the airport... with ice in our drinks...yay!  She fussed some on the last flight from sheer exhaustion, but sleep almost all the way.  She didn't wanna wake up when we arrived home, took her potty and she threw a fit.  :) Welcome home haha.  We then exited to baggage claim where our family was waiting with USA balloons and signs and lots of tears.  The image of them is burned in my mind forever... sigh... so blessed.  She looked at her book as i showed her each person, I could see the realization on her face as she looked back and forth. Before we could get to Cracker Barrel...and Dr Pepper YUMMMM she was out again (in her car seat that she loved).  When we got home she woke up long enough to play with Destin and Ashlyn.  She has attached very quickly to her brother and sister,  she is loving all her new family. She has had visits and gifts and is loving it..  Funny how our little shy introvert is turning into an extrovert.  By the time we got to church on Sunday she was smiling and greeting ppl with hugs and handshakes.  She even gave one kiss on her own,( gotta teach her kisses are for family :) She is amazing and learning sign so quickly.  We love her sooo... The adventure has just begun.  Oh and she was very scared of Chloe (our basset hound) at first but warmed up quickly and now is laying on and loving her... These days are priceless and I need to be taking pictures more, but bonding is so important and I am trying to balance. 

Now she just needs a Georgia visit to have met everyone in her family book.  I cant wait!!! You Goforths plan on coming this way soon???

Anyway... I love you all and I will try to update more later.

Here are a few pics from Gotcha day...

First moments, Who are these weird looking ppl?

Still scared but letting me comfort her.

Moments later... umm her hair is pink mom?

and a few more minutes some toys and food later... :D

Shes all sweaty from crying, and the humidity was awful, first partial family pic.

Aww I might like these ppl they are nice.

Cuddling Momma while we sign papers that ask things like do you like this child? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Sleeping on Mommy, tired from a big day.

Day two, she loves pictures of her self! She loves her new clothes and bows and shoes... YAY! Mommy loves that dimply smile!

Consulate and HOME

So I know it has been a few days,  I sat down a couple times to write but never really produced anything.  I think my mind is in the USA... I know half my heart is there (and our stomachs are screaming to be there!). We have had an eventful few days, TB test checked out fine, we had more shopping, dinner out, a dinner cruise today... We had our consulate appointment this morning,  it was very brief and simple, yet oh so important.  Tomorrow afternoon we will get Arianas visa and then we will be on our way to Hong Kong.  We are taking a van, it is suppose to be about 3 1/2 hour drive.  Of course if we have to stop to let the little one pee several times then it will take longer. I am so ready to begin our journey home.  I LOVE THE USA!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!  We found out that Ariana will officially be a citizen the moment her visa gets stamped in the USA.  That is the moment I cannot wait for,  it is as if I am holding my breathe for it... sigh.  

 

I have met so many amazing families here, so many on this journey just like us. So many beautiful children, labeled special needs,  I think they are just special!  I have no idea how anyone could give them up,  but am so thankful to this country.  This little girl has me heart and soul and I feel so blessed to be her Mommy.  I now have three amazing kids... I miss you ASHLYN and DESTIN!!! I cannot wait to see you.  Tell Chloe she has to be good to her new sister! :)

 

USA HERE WE COME!!!!!

Me

Sunday

We had a relaxing evening last night, and after a day of doctor visits and a TB test :( we walked around the island.  Our hotel sits on a island and it has alot of touristy shops and places to eat.  The weather was cool so we ate outside at a place that had more western food.  Ariana had a chicken quesadilla, which she refused to even try at first.  Then our food came and we had french fries, so we bribed her with fries to get her to eat. :) She is adjusting well, she cried a little at bed time but fell asleep in my arms again. 

 

Today we went to a very nice store that had things unique to Guangzhou, we bought a few things but our Rep warned us not to buy certain items at that store (more expensive), she would take us to a place tomorrow to get them cheaper.  Our reps have been so great,  they have very different personalities, but are full of information for us.  THEN we took Ariana to the zoo,  she had a great time, loved the animals and had a cup of noodles and icecream for lunch. We are able to borrow strollers from the hotel, which has been soooo nice, she is a wiggly toddler and she loves to climb all over us.  She is learning to take it better when we say no, although earlier today she got mad at me in the bathroom.  Chinese ppl are very protective of the environment, (in some ways) they don't like to waste paper ei napkins toilet paper, ect.  So I took out 2 towels the first one we pulled out was torn and she refused to use it to dry her hands.  She tried to get more, I said no,  so she got mad and refused to take it... ok so showdown time.  I pushed the towels into her closed hands and signed for her to dry her hands,  she refused,  so I dried them for her, and threw the towels away.  When I opened the door and told her to come on she began to cry :D.... this whole routine must have worked for her before.  Haha but she is finding out quickly it doesn't work with us.  I am praying she gets it, that we love her and are not being mean,  I have to follow my gut alot, and there are times when I know it would be easier to just give her what she wants.  I know it is easy, but it is not best for her or us.  Funny how I never worried about my oldest two rejecting me if I disciplined them.  Just gotta keep believing that she is going to learn to, and I have to push aside the doubt and parent her the best I can.  She still seems to love me so we must be doing something right. 

 

TB check tomorrow then shopping in the good market.  We had Papa Johns for dinner!!!! It is the best things we have had since we got here. We will be having it again I am sure before we leave.  Just a few more days here and we will begin our journey home... I cannot wait until Ariana sets foot on American soil and becomes a US citizen... 

 

Love you guys, I need to go play with my punkin...

 

Kathy