I dream.....

I have dreams too, everyday I dream of a little girl who needs me, needs me to teach her words, and show her she IS valued, to kiss her booboos and wrap her in my arms. To show her that she CAN dream too. I dream of a little boy who is starving, coming home to a family who will make sure he NEVER knows hunger again. I dream of endless resources to find a place for every orphan, I dream of a world where homes don't have two kids and a dog (or cat) but are filled to overflowing, where wealth is not stored up but used as a tool to unlock doors for those who want to bring them home. I dream that we stop planning trips and luxury get aways, that we stop shopping for extra clothes and cars and things we dont need, that going to the movies or out to dinner doesn't really matter.  I dream that we find a way to use our resources to bring hope to the hopeless, and that fathers start dreaming of becoming "fathers to the fatherless" I dream of a world where not one orphan falls asleep hungry or lonely or hopeless.  I dream that we as Gods children realize that he gave EVERYTHING for us, and that we too should be giving all we have.  I dream of a place where fear doesn't drive us to store up things to protect ourselves, because we will know that when trouble comes we will circle the wagons and stand together. Oh yes... I dream.

Feelings.... and more feelings...

Somedays being a girl is really hard.  I have been overwhelmed with emotion the last couple days (and for any guys reading it is NOT that time of the month!) I think far too much, and fundraising only feeds the issue.  I feel guilty for asking people to take part, I feel worried about the people that do help, and after people help, I feel guilty and I worry that they don't feel appreciated.  The ones who are so kind, and care so much are those I know are giving sacrificially, thus the guilt I feel.  I struggle with flopping between these feelings and those of frustration.  Frustration that some spend there life pampering "me" and never truly get it.  They dont "get" that there is a world of people out there who need help. They cannot see that everything we have and every gift is given to us to share with others.  Our talents, our finances are not ours to spoil ourselves or to get glory for who we are or what we can do.  They are given to us so we can help those who are weeker.   If you are strong and confident, it isn't so you can be adorable and popular, it is given so you can help the one who feels worthless see there value... If you are good with money it isn't so you can get rich, it is so you can share that knowledge or ability and sometimes that wealth with those in need. If you are gift musically it is not so you can sit on a stage and receive applause, or sell songs.  It is so you can use the gift of music to sooth the weary soul, or point the broken heart to God.  It is given so you can pass on the gift to others who have the passion but not the natural ability, or maybe those who have the talent but not the opportunity to be taught.  I could go on and on.  How does this tie into adoption? The two are inseperable,  I have been blessed so that I can continue to bless a child who may never learn sign language or who may not have a parent to advicate for them, I have a (loud) voice so I can speak for those who cannot speak for themselves. I have been blessed to live in a country that values me and gives me freedom no matter my ability.  I have been loved therefor I can give love. I have be blessed to be born in a country, that through the sacrifice of others, gives me the freedom to worship God and teach others about His love.  All of this I have been given and more, so I can share... not for me, but so that others may know that there is a God who loves them.  I have been adopted and my ransom paid, so I must do all I can to do the same for others... God help me to live each day with this in my heart.

Blessed

I have been so overwhelmed today.  Overwhelmed by the beautiful picture God painted through our friends and family.  We were surrounded by those who love us and who truly care about bringing our daughter home.  I am also very aware that there were others could not be there who love us and and praying for us daily.  We are truly blessed.  Trina Clark said some things that resonated with my heart.  She told everyone there that when people plan to have a child or they dream of having a child, it is their dream, and they rejoice as their children grow, and when they do rotten things they remember how long they prayed and waited for this child.  When a child is adopted, those who surround the family and support them and pray and dream with them get to share in that.  It is also your joy, your dream to be a part of, and you will forever be a part of that childs legacy.  I thought that was beautiful.  I know that Arianas legacy includes so many people already, and I have to make sure she knows that. :) 

Saying all of that I have to say that the enemy thinks he is soooo smart, he comes in and tries to get us to focus on the negatives, the people that take advantage or don't seem to care or get why this is so important.  I refuse to focus on those things, I will not allow him to rob me of seeing the miracle God is unfolding before me.  There may be a mountain before us that we are climbing, but God is going before us and holding our hands.  What else do we need? Am amazing God, a great family and the best friends in the world... Blessed.

Tablecloths and tears...

Ok so I had a cryfest over table cloths, well it wasn't the table cloths, but the disappointment that triggered the cryfest. We are trying to make this dinner more elegant, so we hoped to avoid plastic table clothes.  David made some calls and found a rental place that would allow us to rent them for the cost of the cleaning, which was about the same cost of buying dumb plastic. YAY! ....So I thought, but today when he went into to make sure the colors matched, the lady informed him that a bridal shower called (after she promised them to us) and added more to there order, taking all of the color we needed.  He called me to see if one of two other colors was ok... neither of which worked with our color scheme.... so yes I cried.  I didnt even answer him, I just cried.  He promply got off the phone with the promise to call me back after he left the store.  I know table cloths are not what matters, I have just had a rough week.  Someone I love dearly is going through a very painful ordeal, and I have been running a low grade temp, and I have too much to do to be sick.  It seems as though even those who have decided to help have been under massive attack.  I have never faced more opposition or attack from the enemy than I have since we started thia adoption process.  All I have to say is if the enemy thinks he can stop me from doing what God has called me to do he is nuts..... Anyway, my sweet hubby is trying no to fix the situation with the tables, and if I "have to" I can buy plastic... I will let you know how it turns out. 

Adoption... counting the cost

Adoption is not easy, if anyone says it is they are crazy, it is however worth every bit of struggle.  We have had a lot of highs and lows since our journey began.  We have filled out a mess of paperwork, and that part isn't over yet.  We have cried, we have laughed, and sometimes we have cried and laughed at the same time (ok so that was more "me" than "we"). Restarting this blog has caused me to reflect over the last year.  It seems unreal that a whole year has gone by since we officially started this journey.   There are days when we wonder how we will be able to take the next step, wonder how we can pay the next fee,  but God has been so very faithful to us.  He has surrounded us with very loving and faithful friends and family, who have been willing to give of their time, their energy, their heart and many times their hard earned money.  I hope each and every one of them know that we do not take it for granted.  We are truly blessed.  I have found myself feeling very humbled by these many times throughout this process. I had one such moment this past Sunday, we had a team of people helping us sell tickets, and they were making their way through the church, working hard to make this next event a success. As I watched them come and go to our table, I felt once again overwhelmed at their kindness their love for us and our daughter, but mostly their love for God. 

Our next event is this Friday, with lots of help and some generous donations, we have put together a dinner/ silent auction. We have a wonderful speaker from Hope For 100, Tim Clark, he is a former missionary, and also worked for CPS, mostly he is a man with a heart for God and a heart for orphans. We are praying and believing for a great night.  Not just for financial blessings, but that hearts will be touched, and the seed of someone else's adoption journey will be planted.  That is our heart, that every child have a home, that not one child fall asleep with an aching heart or an empty tummy, that they be clothed and fed and wrapped tightly in the arms of a family who love them. 

So the lessons are:
 *Yes adoption is hard... but also an overwhelming blessing
 *You have to ask for help, this is also very hard, but when you do, you find an amazing gift from God, you
    find friendship.
 *Trust God, when He says do something... He is always faithful, He will not leave you to "go it alone".

I will try to remember to tell you more about our baby girl and our family tomorrow :)

Getting you up to date.

It has been a long time since that original post.  We have come so far on our journey.... We not only completed our homestudy, but we moved back to Texas and updated it again.  We chose an agency, found our little on on a waiting child list.  She is from China and is now 3 1/2 years old.  Our oldest daughter is profoundly deaf, so we knew when we started this journey we wanted to adopt another deaf child. We have gotten our I800A approved by the US government. We have pre-approval from China, and have completed our dossier. our log in date (LID) should be any day now.  Now we wait.  We wait as China reviews our paperwork and gives us final approval, and approval to travel.  We have been told this process can take 5-7 months, we are praying it goes quickly.  Our daughter is blessed to be in a foster home, where she is loved and cared for, although she has not yet been taught any form of sign language.  We have been told she communicates with gestures to her foster parents.  This child is already knit together with our family, she is my daughter, and my heart aches for her.  I want to hold her in my arms and wrap her up in our love, and in the love of her heavenly father.  For now we will be content to work and raise the funds we will need to complete this journey. I will post more later... Thanks for sharing this journey with us....

The Beginning (Originally posted on another blog, June 3,2010)

I am not sure exactly when my heart started to open to adoption.  I believe it has been a long time coming.  I sat through many sermons and heard countless stories, every one tugging at my heart.   I would be overwhelmed momentarily with a desire to do something.  This feeling grew each time I heard someones story, or read verses like James 1:27.  These little twinges grew into massive heart ache.  My heart hurts for every child who has no one to call Daddy and Mommy.  I believe God has so gently led my family to a place where now our heart cries for those who spend their days crying for love.  In the beginning all I could think was, "My kids are almost grown".  I thought of all the things I did not have, I saw all of my failures and imperfections.  The bottom line was, I was scared, scared to try and fail, scared to be judged.  As I walked through the pre-decision process I took my thoughts to my husband.  I shared all my fears with him.  He, like me, at first saw all the things we are not.  He saw the need, he understood the desire, and agreed it was a good thing.  The issue was... was it for us? Were we called?  Somewhere along the way, something clicked in us.  We realized through studying Gods word, through seeking out verses about the orphan, or caring for others, that adoption clearly lined up with Gods heart.  His word tells us over and over again to care for the orphan and the widow and the alien... I am new to blogging but will try to add a list soon of all the scriptures we have found pertaining to adoption, or the care of those who are helpless.  We truly believe after reading all those verses, that we don't even need to ask, "Is this Gods will for us?".  I only need to ask myself "Will I say yes?".  I have never done anything in my life that feesl more right.  I have never found a cause I believe is closer to Gods heart.  I don't know what this journey holds for us.  I have no idea how it will end but we have chosen to say yes.  I have a renewed faith that says, that in saying yes, God will walk thought this with us.  We have begun our homestudy and I will tell you more about the child we are looking for in my next blog.  There is so much story to tell, so much history to share with you.  For now I will leave you with this challenge.  If you are reading these words, then God has called you to care for the orphan and the widow.  Here is what I ask;  We are like most families, we do not have a bank account overflowing with money.  We are stepping out on complete faith believing that God will help us meet each goal.  Trusting that through our families hard work and Gods favor and blessing that He will see us through to our miracle.  So I ask you to open your heart, allow yourself to think "Maybe there is something I can do".  Right now things seem very scary for us, but I am asking you to take a leap of faith with us.   Right now when it seems there are a million roadblocks ahead, a million huge mountains to climb, leap with us.  If you need to sit back and watch awhile, let God show you what a willing heart and childlike faith in God can do, then follow us a while.  This is His miracle, we are just lucky enough to get to be a part of it.